Being An Idiot On Twitter: A Tragicomedy in Three Acts
I did not have a very nice morning.
I woke up tired and sore after a weekend mini-vacation to the Wisconsin Dells to celebrate the wedding of a college roommate. Two days of carefree fun in the sun had been replaced with five days of weirdly patterned cubicles, fluorescent lights, and a lot of decidedly un-fun things like spreadsheets that aren’t about baseball statistics, making phone calls to people who do not want to talk to me, and capitalized interest. I didn’t not drink fully 126 ounces of tropical-themed drinks with names such as The Kings of Rum Poolside Punch and Wild Blue Yonder on Sunday out of a giant margarita glass large enough to fit a women’s basketball into, so I was dealing with the aftermath of that as well. I was cranky, and I needed to take it out on someone. I decided to take it out on you, Brewers Twitter.
Oh boy. Oh no.
But wait. Assuredly, there’s no one out there that would take such a preposterously hot take seriously, is there? 10.5 games back is a LOT of games to be back. Orlando Arcia is super NOT going to be traded. I mean, this is @PFTCommenter done very poorly. You have to be a BIT more realistic, right?
Well, look. Brew Crew Ball has upwards of 8,000 followers, and it’s just not reasonable to assume that some portion of them are awe-inspiringly stupid. This is Twitter, after all. They don’t check your official transcripts before they let you join. It’s reasonable for them to assume my reply was in earnest. Let’s take it up a notch.
Alright now wait just a gosh darn minute. Now, not only am I implying that a single at bat during a meaningless exhibition game in any way affects a prospect’s value, but I am making this claim based on an at bat that I didn’t even see, I only read about it. This is very obvious trolling, and anyone who doesn’t see it just doesn’t want to and feels like havin’ an argument. Definitely, the rest of y’all aren’t fooled, right?
This phrase is trademarked by Elsa you will need to sent $3.99 to Disney to use it
BUT DID YOU SEE THE AT BAT IT WAS BAD CHRIS IT WAS SO BAD
Another $3.99 in the coffers for Disney. Pay the man, Eric
Heh! You an me both, pal. Who wants to be a part of a team that gives up on a season because of silly things like “reality” or “because there isn’t any hope of us competing this year” or “the long term health of the franchise”
“Math” is on to me, you guys. PLAY IT COOL
A stunning development in our story. This is brand new information to me!
So anyway, the experience of pretending to be the world’s worst Brewers fan this afternoon gave me the chance to blow off some steam on my lunch break, while simultaneously making a few folks feel real nice about themselves for being so right in an argument on the internet. Imagine the gift I’ve given these folks! All of them won an argument on Twitter today. What a treat. And my imaginary beef with whoever runs the Brew Crew Ball social media accounts ended with a nice talk about sandwiches.
Happy Monday, everyone.