Monthly Archives: August 2015

The Best (Fantasy) Team Money Can Buy

It’s late August, which means there’s literally more fantasy football content out there than any person could ever actually consume. We at Bucky’s Beer Cheese Co. seek to always give the people what they want, and since I can definitely tell that you crave more fantasy football advice, I’m here to give it to you. What I have for you today is the absolute best fantasy football team that money can buy. The rules: we’re in a 10-team league with standard scoring and rules, and we have $200 in our auction budget. We’re going to put together a team that goes 13-0 and carries you to an easy championship. Drafting any other players would be at your own risk and is not recommended.

Please note: If you are in a fantasy league with me this year, please stop reading and go away at this time.

All stats from ESPN.com, and all fantasy point scoring information is according to ESPN standard scoring. All dollar values are according the ESPN’s Average Auction Value (AAV) as of August 17.

THE STARTERS:

QB: Tom Brady (NE), $6

Early in the 2007 season, Eric Mangini accused the Patriots of videotaping opponents’ practices in order to gain a competitive advantage, and essentially said that New England had cheated it’s way into three Super Bowl victories. The Patriots were vilified by the media and NFL fans for weeks. How did Brady and the Patriots respond? The Patriots shat all over the league going 16-0, led by an MVP season from Brady during which he threw 50 TDs to 8 INTs, with the team often maniacally continuing to run up the score and throw the ball deep late in games that they had well in hand. Well, we have a similar situation this year, with the Patriots again having been accused to cheating to give themselves a leg up in the playoffs in this whole Deflategate nonsense. For now, it looks like Brady will miss the first four games of the regular season – though a lawsuit remains pending – so you’ll need a capable backup to get you through the first five weeks of the season (New England has a bye in week five). But once Brady returns, don’t be surprised to see him post some of the biggest numbers of his career.

RB: Jeremy Hill (CIN), $36

Having spent a couple dozen extra dollars on another position (more on that later), we’re saving a bit of money on our pick for RB1 and leaving the $50+ guys for fantasy teams that don’t have a party-monster on their team. After a hip injury sidelined Gio Bernard in week 8, Hill Wally Pipped him, taking the Bengals’ running back job and never looking back. While Bernard was able to carve out some fantasy relevance of his own down the stretch last year, Bernard received 20+ carries in five of the Bengals final nine games, including a three-game run to end the regular season in which he averaged 24.3 touches and 136.7 yards per game while scoring three touchdowns. Bernard is the third down back here and will be the one seeing a majority of the RB targets in the passing game, which limits Hill’s upside somewhat in PPR, but his workload and talent should easily place him among the top 10 running backs in all formats.

RB: Lamar Miller (MIA), $25

Miller is a fine RB2, and though he isn’t likely to win you any weeks on his own, he has a steady workload and was a fairly reliable contributor to fantasy teams last season, scoring at least eight points in all but four games last year, with his worst games coming against formidable run defenses (Buffalo, Detroit) or against good teams who forced Miami to throw to keep up the scoring pace (Denver, New England). He failed to reach double digit carries or gain at least 50 yards just once each, both in a week 10 dud against Detroit. If you hate winning, you could also ignore the fact that basically every recent Wisconsin running back star has failed spectacularly at the NFL level (Ron Dayne, Michael Bennett, Anthony Davis, Brian Calhoun, Montee Ball and James White have one Pro Bowl appearance between the lot of them), and draft Melvin Gordon III.  You will be happy that you did it on draft day and then the rest of the year you will be very sad, and your league-mates will take all of your dollars. Alternative: Alfred Morris (WAS), $26

WR: Jordy Nelson (GB), $39

Despite finishing third among wide receivers last year and remaining the focal point of the passing offense led by the NFL’s best player, Nelson is currently just the seventh most expensive WR. I have no idea what the reason for that is, but if you can grab him at a $10 discount from the rest of the top tier of WRs, do so with glee. Note that this will probably not be possible in league filled with Green Bay fans, of course. Alternative: A.J. Green (CIN), $36

WR: Andre Johnson (IND), $11

Johnson will fill the Reggie Wayne role in Andrew Luck’s offense, but with a bit more big play ability and at a slightly younger age (Andre is 34, Wayne 36). Johnson’s numbers have steadily declined over recent years, a trend that could just as easily be attributed to poor quarterback play in Houston as it could to his advancing age. I’m expecting somewhat of a renaissance season for Johnson, though his upside is somewhat capped. We’ve got a higher upside pick later on for you, though. Alternative: DeSean Jackson (WAS), $11

TE: Rob Gronkowski (NE), $43

It’s not only what Gronk can do in his own right – although that certainly a big part of the equation – but also just how bad the tight end situation has become around the league. However you feel about Russell Wilson as a quarterback, he is definitely a step down from Drew Brees in his ability to throw the ball downfield, so with Jimmy Graham now in Seattle, Gronkowski’s hold on the position is even more vice-like. Behind those two, you’re looking at a cast of superstars that included Greg Olsen, Martellus Bennett, and Zach Ertz. While it’ll hurt to spend almost a quarter of your budget on a position the rest of your league is filling for under $5, you’ll be glad you did when Gronk is allowing you to basically play with an extra guy all year.

FLEX: Joseph Randle (DAL), $12

Taking nothing away from DeMarco Murray himself for the great numbers he put up last year, there’s no question that a large part of his success was running behind an offensive line that some believed was the greatest run-blocking unit in NFL history. That line gets even better this year with the addition of La’el Collins, a first-round talent that was signed by Dallas as an undrafted free agent because of some legal issues that were totally outside of his control (it will forever irk me that the Packers refused to take a late-round flier on this guy). The current scuttlebutt out of Cowboys camp is that they’ll handle the running back position by committee, but that committee includes oft-injured Darren McFadden and marginal talent Lance Dunbar, so I would expect to see Randle see a majority of the carries behind that great O-line. As a FLEX/RB3, I love the upside of Randle, and his AAV of $12 is way too low. Alternative: Latavius Murray (OAK), $13

K: Mason Crosby (GB), $1

Whatever get a kicker, who cares. Take the kicker from your favorite team if he is available. If not take a different one from a team that scores points. Do not think about which kicker to take for more than 12 seconds. If you pay more than a dollar for a kicker you are a bad person and you are the reason that some people go hungry. Alternative: Literally who cares

D/ST: New York Jets, $1

Defense is only marginally more important than your kicker. You can usually fill it in on a week to week basis with whatever team is playing Jacksonville or Cleveland. The Jets are a consensus top-10 defense among people who care enough about defenses to rank them, and they get the Browns at home in week one. Good enough for me. Drop them after week one, when they go on the road to Indianapolis for a Monday night date with Andrew Luck.

 

THE BENCH:

QB2: Eli Manning (NYG), $2

A lot of folks are talking about how Eli had a resurgence that has been largely attributed to the emergence of O’Dell Beckham. This is a very nice way to quickly explain why one might want to look at Eli as a QB2 this year, but it’s simply not true. In his first four games last season, Eli averaged 17.5 fantasy points per game, and in 12 games after Beckham’s debut, his average dropped to 16.1. Am I saying that Eli and the Giants offense were worse with Beckham in the fold? No I’m not, no one should say that. I’m just saying, take your fantasy analysis with a grain of salt, because numbers can say anything. So why am I recommending Eli? Because he’s a cheap and reliable option that probably won’t win you any weeks, but he won’t sink you, either. He plays three of his first five games at home, and has a couple of potentially nice matchups with games against Atlanta, San Francisco (who knows what that team will look like) and Washington, the latter of which was dead last in passing defense in 2014. As a short-term fill in for Brady, you likely won’t be able to do better for the price. Alternative: Carson Palmer (ARI), $2

RB4: Isiah Crowell (CLE), $5

There is a greater-than-not chance that Crowell is the top dog in the Browns backfield this season, and for that reason alone he’s worth a $5 flier. Crowell offers very little to the passing game, and West could very well eat up some goal-line carries, so the upside is limited, but you could do worse for a cheap RB4, especially if you ignore facts and draft Darren McFadden anyway. Alternative: Doug Martin (TB), $4

RB5: Ameer Abdullah (DET), $4

Following his explosive performance last Thursday, the secret is out about the Lions’ rookie running back, and you may not be able to get him at this price today. However if you can, make sure you gobble him up, because he has the potential to unseat injured incumbent starter Joique Bell in much the same way Hill did Bernard last year. Now that the training camp hero has shown that his talents translate to “real” games, Abdullah will be rising up draft boards.

RB6: Alfred Blue (HOU), $3

Speaking of guys who may not be available at this price much longer, Blue looks like he’ll be the feature back for the Titans for the first half of the season, for whatever that’s worth. The Texans quarterback situation is a mess, so the offense isn’t likely to produce much, but a starting running back for $3 is too good a deal to pass up, even if you’ll have to wait until the guy who drafted Arian Foster goes to the bathroom to get him.

WR3: Brandon Marshall (NYJ): $8

All jokes about Smokin’ Jay aside, Marshall’s quarterback situation has gotten demonstrably worse with the move to New York, a fact only exacerbated by the loss of Geno Smith to a sucker-punch in the god dang face. However, his talent and the fact that he’s far and away the best option for former Harvard quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick makes him a capable WR3 and bye week replacement. Alternative: Vincent Jackson( TB), $8

WR4: Larry Fitzgerald (ARI), $2

The book on Larry Fitzgerald is that he’s lost more than a couple of steps, he’s no longer the go-to guy on the Arizona roster and at 31-years-old, his best days are very much behind him. And that may very well all be true: Fitzgerald’s 84 points last year ranked him behind such titans as Kenny Britt, Andrew Hawkins and Andre Holmes. But he was also stuck in one of the worst quarterback situations in the league in 2014: Drew Stanton and Ryan Lindley combined to start 10 games, and posted QB ratings of 78.7 and 56.8, respectively. In the six games that Carson Palmer started last year(Week 1, Weeks 6-10), here’s what Fitzgerald’s numbers looked like:  5.3 rec/gm, 80.5 yards/gm, 2 TDs and 9.8 fantasy points per game. That YPG number would have ranked him 12th among receivers last year extrapolated over a full season – just ahead of Randall Cobb – and the 9.8 fantasy points would have ranked him 19th among wide receivers, making him a low-end WR2. Is it fair to expect the injury prone Carson Palmer to remain healthy and start 16 games in 2015? No, probably not. But as a $2 flier, Fitzgerald is certainly someone you can plug into your lineup in a pinch as long as Palmer is on the field.

WR5: Davante Adams (GB), $2

The Packers’ second year wide-out has shown flashes of being a big play guy in his limited opportunities to date, and all he needs is an opportunity to find himself with double-digit targets from the best quarterback in the league. Lest ye forget, in 2012 the Packers featured an three WR attack that saw Nelson, Cobb and James Jones all finish among the top 30 WRs in scoring in a year that also saw JerMichael Finley eat up 87 targets. So we know that Rodgers can support the fantasy relevance of more than two pass catchers, and the Packers don’t currently have a tight end that will threaten to take up 100 targets. With both Nelson and Cobb having missed significant time due to injury over the past couple of seasons, we’ll take the $2 lottery ticket for a chance at a big slice of that Green Bay offensive pie.

Ranking Each MLB Team’s Best Walk-up Song

Let’s talk about walk up music in the Major Leagues. We’ve all had the discussion, possibly at the local watering hole, possibly while waxing poetic about how great your terrible bar-league softball team is going to be: “If you were in the big leagues, what would your walk-up music be?” My answer, for the record, is “Blockbuster Night Part 1” by Run The Jewels. Your walk-up song should not only serve to work up the hometown crowd, it’s also a reflection of yourself. Do you have the Heart of a Lion? Is there perhaps some Bad Blood between you and the opposing team? You’ve got about 13 seconds to let the crowd know. What follows is a scientific evaluation of the player on each team that currently uses the medium best.

For this study I obtained most of my information from MLB.com’s Ballpark Music site (http://mlb.mlb.com/fan_forum/ballpark_music.jsp?c_id=mlb), to identify each player’s walk up music. So if you have anecdotal evidence that one of these songs is no longer in use by a particular player, or if you feel there’s one I’ve unfairly excluded that isn’t listed on MLB.com’s site, you’ll have take it up with them. I did what fact checking I could, but short of visiting each team’s ballpark every night, there’s only so much I can do.

Each song was scored according to three highly scientific measures on a scale of 1-100: “Is It Good Song”; “Do A Lot Of Folks Know The Song”; and “The Dope Beats and Catchiness Index (DBCI)”, a proprietary statistic of my own devising that seeks to define the level to which a particular song can raise the spirits of 35,000 baseball fans. Those scores were then averaged, with a bonus score of -5 to 5 applied to some songs whenever I felt like it, to find each songs final score.

But First! The Bottom Five:

5) Josh Donaldson, Toronto Blue Jays: In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins 29.3

I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong about this, because Josh was not alone here; he was only the most well-known player to use this as his theme. Phil Collins is fine if you’re trying to set the mood with your guy or gal, folks. But to set the mood with 35,000 strangers? I’m just not too sure about that, Josh.

4) Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees: International Love by Pitbull and Chris Brown

What a great troll move from A-Rod, the most universally despised baseball player, to use a song from the two most universally despised rap artists as his walk-up music. A-Rod’s hilarious victory lap wouldn’t be the same without being soundtracked by this awful song. He really missed an opportunity to cement his legacy by failing to retire after hitting his 666th home run.

3) Jake McGee, Tampa Bay Rays: My Way by Limp Bizkit 19.0

I’ve got to be honest with you guys, I used to jam to this song too, folks. I think my friends and I probably requested it at our 8th grade dance.

2) A.J. Pierzinski, Atlanta Braves: Bullets by Creed 10.7

A.J. has to be the least surprising entry on this list, right?

1) Shaun Marcum, Cleveland Indians: Burn It To The Ground by Nickleback 9.0

Why, Shaun. Why? I will never forgive Marcum for losing the 2011 NLCS to the C***inals, so it greatly pleases me to rank him as having the single worst walk-up song in the Major Leagues.

Honorable Mention:

A few teams had so many great songs that these just have to be mentioned, although I wasn’t able to include them in the final rankings since the rule is one song per team. Know that most of these would be in the top ten if teams were allowed multiple entries.

Zack Grienke, Los Angeles Dodgers: Careless Whisper by George Michael

Zack Grienke was created in a lab in New Mexico by scientists charged with developing the most entertaining professional sports player of all time. George Michael? Never change, Zack.

Todd Frazier, Cincinatti Reds: Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

This is a dope choice, not only because it’s a great song in and of itself, but because of the subtle baseball reference from the newly-crowned Home Run Derby champion who hits moonshots on the regular.

Jesse Hahn, Oakland Athletics: Hit ‘Em High (Monstar’s Theme) by B-Real feat. Method Mad, Coolio, LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes

“Travis, would it be a good idea to use a dope track from the undisputed greatest live-action/animated sports movie of all time as my walk-up song?” Yes, Jesse, “I Believe I Can Fly” by R-Kelly would be an excellent choi–ooooh. Well that works too I guess.

Bryce Harper, Washinton Nationasl: The Best is Yet to Come by Frank Sinatra

If that’s true it is utterly terrifying. Got help us all.

And now, finally, on to the rankings. Please note that these are definitive and above reproach.

30

Orioles_new

P Jonathan Schoop

Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) by Silento

50

Look, whatever. If it’s good enough for Queen Riley Curry, it’s good enough for all of us. Other players that use this song: Ryan Howard, Philladephia Phillies

29

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OF Torii Hunter

Heart of a Lion by Kid CuDi

59

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with this song. It’s a dope track, kind of a deep cut from Cudi’s first studio album that was never released as a single. It’s fine, but someone’s got to be down here in the bottom five, and Heart of a Lion really took a hit in the song popularity section.

28

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3B Garin Cecchini

Good Vibrations by Marky Mark

and the Funky Bunch

59

The Red Sox didn’t give me a lot to work with, so the ultimate vanilla party song came back as their top song. Everyone in the world knows this song, and all of those people think it’s okay. It’s the kind of song that you forgot you heard 12 seconds after it ends. Meh. Other players that use this song: Alex Gordon, Kansas City Royals; Anthony Rizzo, Chicago Cubs

26

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P Chad Billingsley

TNT by AC/DC

66.7

Whatever, this is fine. It’s just lazy, you know? This is the kind of walk up song choice that just says you didn’t invest any time in the decision at all. But the rest of the Phillies were horrid (Carlos Ruiz is one of the players that shares Phil Collins with Josh Donaldson), so they’re stuck with this.

26t

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SS Jed Lowrie

Tom Sawyer by Rush

66.7

I don’t know if the middle of a baseball game is the right time for it, but this is an objectively great song. TNT got here just by being a classic Jock Jam, Tom Sawyer lands here on the strength of being awesome.

25

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P Tom Koehler

X Gon Give It To Ya by DMX

67

24

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P R.A. Dickey

Game of Thrones (Theme) by Ramin Djawadi

67.3

I had to look up video of this to see if it was real/how cool it was. It is really cool. Other players that use this song: Noah Syndergaard, New York Mets

23

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P Wade Davis

Ackrite by Dr. Dre feat. Hittman

68.3

Dr. Dre is all over this list, because he’s a noted creator of sick beats and because his songs generally lend themselves to being stadium anthems. This is the lowest on my list, simply because it was never released as a single and isn’t as well known.

22

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OF Mark Canha

7/11 by Beyonce

68.7

This one’s for the ladies. Canha was the only instance I could find of a player using Queen Bey for his walk-up music. I am not overly familiar with this song, but my girlfriend assures me that it is a very good song and that I like it a lot.

21

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OF Jaun Lagares

Hot in Herre by Nelly

69

Nice

20

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OF Mike Trout

Started From the Bottom by Drake

71.7

Toronto’s favorite son, fresh off his annihilation of Meek Mill, makes his only appearance on our countdown with what I can only assume is an over-our-heads subversive joke from the American League MVP, who has been the best baseball player in the league since his debut in 2011.

19

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P Mike Foltynewicz

My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark by Fall Out Boy

72

Man, this name must have SUCKED in high school. Half of my teachers couldn’t pronounce my last name right, and mine sounds exactly like it’s spelled. One time, someone just threw an M in there for no reason. What is wrong with you lady? Anyway my point is, I’m sorry, Mike Fontywantynickles. This song is fine, great safe choice.

18

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P Cody Allen

God’s Gonna Cut You Down by Johnny Cash

72.1

Pretty good song, and feels like an especially good choice for a closer, which is a made-up position based on the baseball community’s fascination with a meaningless stat that was created in 1969. It’s so good for closers, in fact, that the Yankees’ Andrew Miller uses it as well. Other players that use this song, Miller, Nate Eovaldi, New York Yankees

17

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OF Ryan Braun

All Day by Kanye West

72.2

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just save your steroids jokes, they’re old enough to attend kindergarten now. Let them live their lives, you’re smothering them. Braun is basically the Kanye of MLB. Braun is probably MLB’s douchiest player, and Kanye is pop culture’s douchiest human. Have either they done anything really awful? Nah – one kinda cheated at a children’s game, and the other was mean to Taylor Swift once. But they’re annoying, and it’s only magnified by having to constantly acknowledge that they are indeed quite good.

16

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2B Tim Beckham

So Fresh, So Clean by Outkast

76.3

The early aughts were sort of a weird time for hip-hop. For instance, Chingy existed, Mike Jones made an entire album where he just recited his phone number (281-330-8004, hit Mike Jones up on the low, ‘cuz Mike Jones about to blow) and Lil’ Jon and the Ying Yang Twins made like 12 chart-toppers that were basically them just screaming the same 9 words all y’all were like, “….that’s dope as hell, bruh.” Offsetting this nonsense was the brilliance of Andre 3000 and Big Boi, and this track is one of their best.

14t

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SS Ian Desmond

Alright by Kendrick Lamar

77.7

To Pimp A Butterfly is such a good album, and for me right now, this is the best track on the album (this is subject to change at any time). “Alright” is a banger.

14t

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OF Adam Eaton

This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan

77.7

So at this point, you’re starting to see how quickly the songs on this list get great. Listen, being in the bottom half of this list still puts you among the greats. It’s like being one of the worst players in the Hall of Fame. Literally, I would say, the honor of making this list is pretty much on par with being elected into Cooperstown.

13

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C Kyle Schwarber

No Diggity by Blackstreet feat. Dr. Dre

79.8

Fun fact: 39% of all song released from 1995-2001 ended with “feat. Dr. Dre”, the most notable of which was of course the timeless 1999 classic, “MmmBop (G-funk Remix)” by Hanson feat. Dr. Dre.

12

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OF Peter Bourjos

Still D.R.E. by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg

81.3

The only reason this song isn’t in the top ten is my own pure, unadulterated hatred for the Cardinals. I mean no disrespect to the good doctor and the D-O-double-G. Let me be very clear about this: this song is great, and the Cardinals are the worst.

11

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OF Andrew McCutchen

Bad Blood by Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

81.7

This is the most entertaining combination of dope song-great player in my opinion, but this list ranks only how good the song is, not how well it lines up with the player. It’s difficult for me to admit that you can add Kendrick Lamar to something and make it slightly worse, but just like Star Wars and the National League, the original is better.

10

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P Josh Collmenter

Blank Space by Taylor Swift

83.0

I’m not sorry about this at all. Everyone that says they don’t like Taylor Swift is a liar. If you’re one of those people, let me tell you something, guy: It’s not that you don’t like Taylor, it’s that you don’t like the part of yourself that loves her. You’ve got to look inside of yourself and just come to terms with exactly who you are.

9

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1B Mark Teixera

It’s Tricky by Run DMC

83.3

Once upon a time, the Yankees signed Tex as a free agent, formerly of the Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem, a couple of weeks after signing C.C. Sabathia, most recently of the Milwaukee Brewers. Based on a completely-not-transparent ranking system, Elias ranked Teixera as a slightly better player than Sabathia, who almost won the dang NL Cy Young even though he didn’t join the league until mid-July (they were the top two ranked free agents that year). Based on those rankings, the Angels received the higher compensatory round pick from the Yankees in the 2012 MLB Draft. The Brewers, rumored to be interested in Mike Trout, watched the reigning MVP go to the Angels at No. 25. Scrambling to find a plan B, the Brewers ended up taking Indiana senior Eric Arnett, who was released in 2013 and finished his career with a 5.18 ERA while failing to ever progress past A ball. What does this have to do with Run D.M.C.? Not a damn thing. But it has haunted me for years, and I needed to get it off my chest.

8

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SS Brad Miller

Big Poppa by The Notorious B.I.G.

84.7

Obviously, I have a thing for dorky looking white dudes using gangsta rap as their walk-up songs. This is one of Biggie’s best and most famous bangers. Dope choice.

7

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P Ian Kennedy

I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift

87.7

In 2011, Kennedy, then with the Diamondbacks, led the league with 21 wins, tallied a 2.88 ERA with 198 strikeouts, and finished 4th in Cy Young voting. It was the only year that he posted a sub-3.60 ERA, and he’s basically been pretty pedestrian otherwise. He’s struggled with surrendering home runs his entire career, allowing an average of 25 per 162 games (source: Baseball Reference). So, he’s certainly trouble when he walks in, but more so for the hometown fans than opposing batters. Yes, it was a long walk to that one. Thanks for sticking around. Reading this column was a voluntary act.

6

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OF Hunter Pence

Circle of Life by Sir Elton John

88.0

This is the most Hunter Pence walk up song of all time. If you don’t love Hunter Pence then I don’t love you. It is my belief that all Hunter Pence Signs are made out of love and respect. Sort of like when you’re pallin’ around with your mates, just funnin’ with them. More players should be using Disney songs as their walk up jams.

5

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OF Charlie Blackmon

Your Love by The Outfield

89.6

VH1 really donked this one up when they ranked what was easily a top three one-hit wonder of the 80s FIFTY NINTH on their highly suspect rankings. “Mickey” at #9? MICKEY!? That song is wet garbage. “Your Love”, on the other hand, is a masterpiece, and has the benefit of a tangential baseball reference. Other players that use this song: Gordon Beckham, Chicago White Sox; Grant Green, Los Angeles Angels

4

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3B Nick Castellanos

Ignition (Remix) by R. Kelly

89.7

Oh man, oh man, oh man. This song is FOURTH?! The top of this list is basically just a collection of the world’s greatest bangers then. The only reason you would hear this song come on at the club and not immediately start dancing would be if you literally had died.

3

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OF Jay Bruce

Shake It Off by Taylor Swift

90.0

Not only is this one of Tay’s greatest and catchiest songs, it is universally recognized, and everyone who isn’t a liar loves it. I wonder if Jay chose this song so his manager would stop saying “Shake it off” to him after his at-bats, since he’s never had a season in which he didn’t have more strikeouts than hits. The only issue here is Jay breaking my number one rule: never trust a man with two first names. Other players that use this song: A.J. Ellis, Los Angeles Dodgers

2

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P Kenley Jansen

California Love by TuPac

90.5

While doing research for this piece, I noted early on, because of how the alphabet works, that Baltimore Orioles outfield Adam Jones was using this banger, one of hip hop’s greatest collaborations. Answering my silent prayers, Jansen allowed me to give this song to a player from the correct state, which added five bonus points to the score and nearly lifted the Dodgers’ closer to the top spot. Other players that use this song: Jones

1

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3B Joey Gallo

Pony by Ginuwine

91.3

Look, I know he was optioned down to Triple-A Round Rock a couple of weeks ago and I do not care. He represents the Rangers and tops this list anyway because A) This is a top-five all time song and B) the rest of the Rangers have truly awful taste in music (basically have the league is vibing dang Fetty Wap right now, including Rangers rookie Delino DeShields Jr.). I couldn’t leave Ginuwine off the list and I apologize for nothing. Hurry back, Joey.